Being a mum and wife is hard at times I'm not talking about housework , cooking and school runs . I mean balancing everyone and fitting in you at the same time . I love all aspects of my life but do we ever stop feeling guilty when we are not making equal time for everyone
BEING A MUM
We have many jobs as a mum . Housekeeper , chef , nurse , therapist , teacher , fairy godmother the list is endless . The job I'm struggling most with is friend . I love spending time with my girls , when they are not having a hormonal moment . Now they are getting older they are becoming my friends
I have a different relationship with each of my girls . My eldest is 14 and tells me everything ,I mean everything . I know every emotion she's feeling which is a good thing . I also told her she could vent at me about her day to help with teenage anger . Which is also great but has backed fired on my a few times . When you get home from work all you want to do is get changed and grab a cupper as you've had a stressful day to, she want to tell you everything that's wrong with her life and being 14 she has many life dramas
My baby girl is 11 she's just started secondary school in September. The melt downs are less frequent but its early days . She also doesn't share as much which might become a problem as she gets older and I may start wishing she's more like her sister .
When I am on full form and my agony aunt buttons on I often feel sorry for my teenagers. There melt downs are often be over something small , At first I'm like please get a grip worse things are going to happen in your life than your hair didn't go right or your favorite top is in the wash so now you have to find something else to wear and not forgetting teenagers biggest problem BOREDOM the I have nothing to do but really I don't want to do any thing problem.
The thing is they are big things to you as a teenager , you haven't experienced life yet .
As I said I do love spending time with them. My eldest is really arty which I am also and this is the one lot of home work I feel comfortable helping with .
We spent a afternoon drawing a portrait for her GCSE art . I showed her how to position the face and how to not add to much detail in before you had got it right . She said she would never have thought of doing like that and I was a good teacher . This made me really proud . I know we should be the one's to praise our children but to have your child do it to you is a wonderful feeling .
When I am on full form and my agony aunt buttons on I often feel sorry for my teenagers there melt downs may often be over something small , At first I'm like please get a grip worse things are going to happen in your life than your hair didn't go right or your favourite top is in the wash so now you have to find something else to wear and not forgetting teenagers biggest problem BOREDOM the I have nothing to do but really I don't want to do any thing problem.
The other one loves cooking and we bake a lot I love our time in the kitchen . We also both enjoy hospital dramas were often found under a blanket watching 911 or the good doctor . I'm hoping she goes in to the medical profession .
I'm not saying they don't drive me insane at times believe me they do but when it's good it's really good and I hope we will always be friends .I know I have worse to come but I spent a lot of my daughters childhood in a blur due to unavoidable circumstances over the last 10 years .
We lost my father in law to a sudden heart attack , my father fell off a cliff on holiday and my husbands sister was killed who was also my best friend . Dealing with all this grief has been hard for all of us and sometimes feel I wasn't a 100% there for my girls when they were little .
I've always been a stay at home mum till about 3 years ago when I went back to work round the girls school hours . we've never had any help with childcare so physically I've been there but mentally not so much I feel the baby 'toddler years I just went though the motions .My girls have turned out beautifully so may be I'm being hard on myself . After all we have been though we are finally through the other side and I've stopped thinking about the past and enjoying the here and now with my daughters
HUSBAND TIME
My husband is my best friend we've been through so much and with both of us losing our fathers we've really become each others family . I know that's what a husband and wife are suppose to be but I know a lot of couples who are together but not really together when you lose a parent you lose both of them because the one that's left is never the same and at time's you can fell like a orphan .
We don't get to go out in the evening due to no babysitters so we do date days we each take days off work while the girls are at school and go out for breakfast or lunch .We have a special place we go to were the lady who serves us calls us her lovely couple and gives us our usual table in the corner.
Finding time to be together is hard when you have children at all ages the worse part when they get older is they go to bed around the same time as you . often by the time mine are in bed and we have found something to watch on the tv it's our bed time . I love nothing more than finding a film you haven't seen in ages and reminisce about when you first watched it .
We did this the other night with Notting Hill we had the song at our wedding and so did my brother in law and sister in law 10 years later and 2 years ago we visited Notting Hill and found the blue door its surprising how a film can bring back so many memories .
I know we want have the girls at home forever and we will have all the time we want on our own it's just making sure we don't lose each other in the time before they leave the nest .
ME TIME
Me time has also become an important time for me. Since making that time I've been a different person more the person I used to be happy and positive I've stopped being scared of the future or dwelling on the past and focusing on the present its still a work in progress but I love having options to fill my time I get to myself .Being a mother and wife is like having 2 jobs to add to the many others we do balancing them with hobbies has made me have a bit of zen back in my life .
I suppose the guilt never goes away but a little bit of guilt means you care about the people in your life.
Next time you feel guilty for not getting a round to spending time with everyone change the guilty to caring .
Just trying to find a bit of zen in a house or hormones...🙏
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